Dear Ms Abbott,
I'm sure you're looking forward to the upcoming election, where you are running as the Liberal candidate for Newcastle. I am too. For then, whether you win or lose, we can start to put you behind us. You're everywhere in this election campaign - billboards, coreflutes, at every damn community event, in shopping centres which aren't even in your electorate. I can't fault you for effort - if all you have to do is want it, you'd have the election in the bag. You even tried cozying up to The Greens in an attempt to get the preference deal that was the only way you can win, telling their candidate how much you two have in common - unfortunately or otherwise, they were too polite to tell you to go piss up a rope. I wonder how your rusted-on, Greens-loathing supporters would feel about that? So much for principles - I guess Tony Abbott isn't the only one who would sell his arse to get elected. It all came to naught anyhow when Mr Abbott announced the Liberals will preference the Greens below Labor in the House of Representatives, ruling out any chance of a preference deal for you and with it any chance of taking the seat. Who'dve thunk Newcastle lefties would have any reason to be grateful to Tony Abbott?
The thing is though, you just don't know when to quit. Despite that I have returned every piece of election material you have sent me to sender, yesterday I received another form letter, imploring me to vote for you. I don't know how you got my details. Now, I've read that the reason you entered the electoral race is that you're really angry about being lied to. Well so am I! And as you're apparently not too keen on interacting directly with those who question you, I've taken the liberty of correcting some of the errors in your recent mail out.
Dear M/s Sikamikanico,
I'm not sure what's going on here - the failure to get even a basic salutation right. I'm assuming form letters are sent using a database program incorporating drop-down boxes for salutations, so is it that you can't bring yourself to use a term which you believe indicates a woman living in sin? Do you believe me to be a manuscript? But this is a minor quibble so I'll move swiftly along.
The last thing we need is a government in crisis.
You mean a government with ministers conspiring to bring down the government, who can't even supply costed economic policies two and a half weeks out from the election?
As your Liberal candidate I get the chance to speak to many local people. The strong message I get from them is how difficult their lives have become as they struggle to get through tough financial times.
Really? Because I saw you handing out leaflets in the Hunter Street mall a couple weeks ago, and most people were telling you to sod off. Whatever I'll say about Novocastrians, they aren't whingers. Just about everyone knows we are living in a peaceful beautiful place and how damn lucky we are; how the economy is doing well and even though things could be a bit better financially for some of us - job stability would be nice, let alone an increase in Newstart but it's nothing your party seems to care two tiny mouse droppings about - I don't know anyone who is complaining that they're struggling. Anyway, we can remember back to the greatest calamity to affect employment in Newcastle - the closure of BHP. That happened under a Liberal government. What else would we have to look forward to if you lot got back in?
Five pillar economy
Who says Australia has nothing to gain from Islam? We are directed to your website to see the five pillars - manufacturing, agriculture, mining, education and "advanced services". It's all rather light on detail though, apart from constant promises to repeal the carbon and mining taxes. I'm not sure how the Liberals aim to revivify Australia's moribund manufacturing industry and still remain internationally competitive without cutting wages. Education is listed as a priority, but only in terms of "exporting education", not funding it. And there's the inevitable promise to cut red tape, the stuff that stops cranes from toppling over and walls collapsing.
Abolish the carbon tax
I can tell this one's really important because it alone of your points is in bold. Now, I hate to run the "you don't have kids so you don't understand" line but yeah, well, you don't. It doesn't make much difference to you if the planet ends up uninhabitable due to catastrophic climate change - the science is in, even if you refuse to acknowledge it - but it does to those of us with kids, who plan and hope for a future for our children, and their kids and grandkids. Of course we're bloody "alarmists" about climate change; we're alarmed that there may not be a future in a world destroyed. And we know Australia needs to do it's part, in the form of carbon pricing, to try to slow the spread of global warming. It's been in for over a year, and we can see that it hasn't led to roast lamb costing $100, or wiped out the town of Whyalla, as you lot were grimly predicting. But you're still running the obfuscation/furphy/lie that Australia has the world's biggest carbon tax. You know it's not true. We know it's not true. But still you peddle this rubbish.
Deliver better roads and services and Improve health services
Again, no specific details other than restoring the private health insurance rebate, worsening Australia's two tier health divide. Meanwhile, "more roads" is the only promise the Liberals seem to make on infrastructure, including congestion in major cities and desperate need for rail upgrades. Building more roads to deal with congestion is like letting out your belt to deal with obesity.
Deliver more support and funds for local schools
Yep, Gonski is a great idea. Pity it wasn't your idea and Tony Abbott vigorously opposed it until he sensed the mood of the electorate. At least with his stunning fitness levels, the backflips come easily for him.
Get the Budget under control and pay back debt
We've heard lots about how you're cutting this and that tax (whilst bizarrely keeping the carbon tax compensation) but that's about it. Come on. We've been hearing demands from the Coalition for an election for three years; now, with a mere 18 days to go, no specific budget forecasts, no costings, no detail, nothing. All the Coalition have to do economically, if elected, is run the economy into the ground and blame Labor. And that is what will happen.
So, that's your mail out. We'll say nothing of your claims of heroism and national service in Afghanistan (you were a journalist), or the, ahem, airbrushing of your head shot on the campaign materials. More worrying is you don't say anything specific of your plans for Newcastle, either. You implore people to vote for you as "Labor believes that they can take this seat for granted. They think they can just pocket your vote and once again fail to deliver" (wrong actually, I'm not voting Labor either), but well, we've tried voting Liberal at the state level to see if it would get things done; that hasn't worked out too well. Soon the election will be held, and then you'll go away, and maybe I'll wonder why I bothered with this post; but right now you're everywhere, reminding me how much I hate being lied to.
Update: The day after posting this I received yet another addressed mail out from Ms Abbott. It lacked a reply paid envelope to return to sender, so I thought "well, I'll just have to go to her office to deliver it in person"; possibly with a friend wielding a hidden camera. But then I remembered I've got three essays and a toddler's birthday party in the next two weeks, thought "screw it", and poured a drink, remembering we're now down to two weeks till Ms Abbott - please cow - goes away.
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