Just Not Cricket


A coworker of mine is a big cricket fan, so the TV in the office is tuned to whatever Beverage Cup is on during that given day. Now, I'm Irish, so I just don't get the cricket. No one in my family ever watched it and I have no idea how it is scored, or why. But it all seems very strange to me. How many other sports incorporate tea brakes, matttresses strapped to legs, or an audience who are considerably more physically active than the players?

And it goes on for days. It all seems such a gentlemanly game, yet the players - how do I put this nicely - tend to behave in a decidedly ungentlemanlike manner. And no wonder - they're bored. If my job consisted of standing around all day with zinced lips, interspersed with lavish meals, I'd be planning escapades at night too.

So the solution is to make the game faster. Take away the safety gear, switch to metal bats and stop taking the day off if it rains (how delicate do the players think they are?). The occasional scrum wouldn't go astray either. If Shane Warne had actually been properly worn out at the end of the day, I'm sure he and Simone would still be together.

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