It's been yet another year. A year of highs and lows. A year of joy and sorrow. A year of gains - more clothing, six inches more hair, at least eight kilos - and we've had to say goodbye to those who are no longer with us, such as the microwave.
Of course, the biggest thrill has been learning I've been named (and I'm sure Xander is included) as Time magazine's Person Of The Year, and about time too. So let's take a look back and see how we earned it.
Nico starts the year as she means to continue - making promises she has no intention of keeping. Her job seems like a lot of work. She develops an enormous prejudice against bigoted people. Money is spent, therefore assuring the long term survival of Australian clothing and alcohol retailers. In the larger world, the obvious solutions to global warming and terrorism are rejected, which is bad news for the planet but not for Nico, as it ensures she has plenty to blog about.
Xander reasserts his dominance, but then gets fleas, and no one is happy. Nico is so exhausted by this she decides to abandon the work-related blogging, and runs a quiz. She actually follows through on mailing out a prize, then never runs a quiz again despite promising to. She attempts to become a well rounded, cultured sort of person, then gives up and writes a manifesto of the bleeding obvious.
Wild comiserations are held to mark the tenth anniversary of the Howard government. The Pod gets a major overhaul, as Nico panics about the slightest change to the routine. Nico gets a new look as well, then abandons it just as quickly when she realises no one wants to see her out of a caftan. Cyclone Larry devastates banana benders across the country, the Friday Follies are launched to overwhelming apathy, and Blogger continues to make life that little bit worse.
Xander and Nico have issues. Nico is betrayed by company loyalty schemes and skin creams that don't fight the signs of ageing as vigorously as they should. A tribute is made to those unsung heroes of the modern world, the admins. Xander and Nico vow that this year they won't watch Big Brother, at least until after the winner's name has been announced.
The sheer stupidity of humans continues to amaze long after it no longer should. Labor leadership polls are an omen of things to come. Australia's political reporting is still an improvement over that in the U.S. The blogosphere is discovered to be still alive and kicking, as is Nico when people make fun of her new rollerskates. The Pod however has it's longest ever break, and nobody notices. Nico returns from her holiday, and realises she still hates everyone.
Nico feels momentarily sorry for offending people, then decides they're all a bunch of coconuts. Xander and Nico switch to World Cup mode, sailing through the month on sleepless euphoria, then crash back down to Earth as vengence is vowed against all the referees in charge of Australia's matches. The axeing of Big Brother Uncut is a great victory is a great victory for the forces who think parents are incapable of raising their own children.
Crisis is averted when an asteroid narrowly misses the Earth. The joy is short lived when Nico realises this means she has become another year older. The state of political satire in Australia seems upon reflection to be going nearly as well as the war on terror. Nico offers her tips for a good blog, then ignores them all. Celebrity is found to have more substance than it would initially seem - the substance of the trees chopped down to print celebrity magazines.
More Australians are taking drugs than ever before, and Nico should have followed their example before attempting to climb in the window. A Liberal election loss is envisioned and lefties dream of no longer living in fear. Politicians may be poor role models, no more so than Tony Abbott, who has convinced Nico to oppose stem cell research on the grounds that it may one day be used to help him. Mid-to-late year topor sets in and even shopping isn't fun anymore.
Nico has her last night out, which still holds four months later. She turns to skittle vodka instead. The notion of compulsory voting is discarded in favour of plans for a better Australia. Tribute is paid to a great lady. Nico complains of awful noises, both security alarms and the musicians who entertain the troops in Iraq.
Xander congratulates Nico on the 500th post. Nico is greatful that he doesn't know what plagirism is. North Korea may or may not have tested a nuclear weapon, as Hollywood wonders whether or not Kim Jong Il enjoyed their latest blockbusters. Brendon Nelson states Australian troops won't be leaving Iraq whilst the Liberals are in power. Xander doesn't want to let Nico out of bed either.
Psychics everywhere vow revenge on Nico after "picking up" on the post she wrote disdaining them. Nico's faith in love is shattered by the break-up of the Spears/Federline marriage. She is however delighted by the results of the U.S. elections, but feels Australian Idol could do with some improvement. The G20 summit seems like a riot. Nico gets contact lenses, and sees what a waste of time her blogging is.
There's a sense of renewed hope and vigour in the Australian Labor party... again...as the Rudd Gillard leadership team takes charge. Nico hopes they don't fuck it up, and so does everyone else. Nico does her bit to improve society's punctuation. The world is still a very strange place. Nico reflects that 2006 is ending in an almost identical fashion to that which it began. Xander is just looking forward to having her home for a while.
Well, that's all we have to say about that. We'll be on hiatus (mostly) till the New Year, so see you next year!
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