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Showing posts from November, 2006

It's Deja Vu All Over Again

Here we are, it's nearly Christmas and ten months till the next Federal election. What does that mean kiddies? Labor leadership challenge!
Well, maybe. Although Labor is ahead of the Coalition in the polls right now on a two party preferred basis, the erstwhile opposition leader Kim Beazley is having a rather unpleasant time of it lately. One might come to the uncharitable conclusion that his diet has left him so hungry he couldn't resist putting his foot in his mouth, but really, mistaking Karl Rove for Rove McManus was an astonishing faux pas - not only in itself, but for what it suggests. Polls are showing that voters would overwhelmingly prefer a Rudd/Gillard team to lead the Labor party. And although there are widespread grumbles in the Labor party that a leadership change is needed, supporters are coming out to announce their full confidence in Beazley, which means that things are looking very grim for him indeed.

A seemingly unelectable Labor leader being replaced by the …

So, Notice Anything Different?

I can't believe none of you noticed! Okay, fine. After a decade of being bespectacled, I bit the bullet (bet you can't say that three times fast) and got contacts.

There was no one single reason. I needed an eye test. I'm tired of glasses. And I can afford it now. So after putting it off for six months (that's nothing, by my standards), off I went to the optometrist. I was suprisingly unafraid, apart of course from my biggest fear - how the f**k much is this gonna cost me?

Well, there's nothing to make one feel like an idiot like being unable to accomplish a task that children can manage - that Homer Simpson can manage! It took my poor, and exceedingly patient, optometrist twenty minutes to get the lenses in himself the first time. Then it took me an hour to do it myself under his instruction.

Now, I'm not a very patient person. I get frustrated very quickly, usually throwing away whatever it is I'm trying to do, accompanied by loud profanities (and that's…

The Follies That Pass All Understanding

As I was hunting down the usual gang of idiocies for the Friday follies, I came across a story far more, well, folly-like: A 92 year old woman in Atlanta killed on Tuesday in a police-shoot out...after shooting three officers who were attempting to search her home for drugs (no, I haven't made this up!) A niece of the elderly woman said her aunt kept an old pistol in her house: "I don't know what kind and it was rusty but apparently it was working well".

The elderly were so much better-behaved in my day.

Rediscovering The Pool

Yesterday afternoon, following an optometrist's appointment (of which much more anon) I was wandering the mall and feeling a bit low, so I decided to buy myself a little something to cheer myself up. I looked at some DVDs and clothes, but nothing really tickled me. Then as I was walking past the book shop I saw Lisey's Story, the new novel from Stephen King, on display. I hadn't even heard of it and certainly hadn't intended to buy it, but next thing I knew I'd handed over the money and was heading home with a carrier bag in my hand.

As I've mentioned here before, I don't really read novels. I do have several fiction works which I re-read and enjoy very much; 1984, Pride and Prejudice, The House Of The Spirits...but when it comes to how long it's been since I sat down with a new novel to read, we're counting in years, not months.

Anyway, I settled in with my new purchase. I was a little apprehensive reading the plot summary - it sounded, to be honest,…

From The Slime To The Ridiculous

I must be psychic. Sure enough, the protesters made a huge kerfuffle at the G20 summit, and therefore no one knows what actually went on there. I was rather alarmed to see that the alleged leader of the student protest group is twenty-eight. 28! I can sort of understand why protesting might be appealing to a twenty year old, but frankly by 28, one should know better. What the heck is he doing at uni at 28 anyway? I suppose he might be a doctoral student. But I know a few doctoral students, and none of them are charging at police truck windows armed with crash barriers.
Listen you lot: cut off your dreadlocks, wash your clothes, and go get jobs.

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The silly season is upon us again. Just as you know Xmas is on it's way when you see decorations going up in the shops, so when you start being bombarded with political propaganda, there's an election around the corner.

It's just 124 days to the NSW state election, and over the weekend an independent candidate for my local seat…

Out With The Old And In With The Nucleus

Well, times change and bloggers come and go. So Xander and Nico would like to extend a warm welcome to the new members of our "blogs of real note" list at right. Some are funny, some thought-provoking, they all have something worthwhile to say. Visit them lots.

The Confused Blogger's Guide To The G20 Summit

So the G20, the group of the world's twenty leading industrialised nations, is having their annual shindig summit this weekend in Melbourne. But what's happening at the summit? Who is actually attending? What will they be discussing, deciding on? It's hard to make out. All the media coverage of the event is focusing on is the heightened security in Melbourne, and the protesters.

The "heightened security threat" seems to be - can you believe it! - a media beat up. Seven news this morning made it sound like the whole Melbourne CBD is in lockdown, but a source on the ground speaking exclusively to Xander and Nico said that, apart from an extra security guard or two in front of major buildings, there's very little that's different to normal.

Meanwhile, the protesters are actually having the opposite effect from the one I hope they intended, by diverting attention from the real issues...whatever those may be. There must be few things a news producer enjoys more …

Now She Thinks She's A 1990s Stand Up Comic

But seriously forks, what's with dontdatehimgirl.com? I mean, have you seen this thing?

Basically, it's a site where women can post profiles and pictures of their exes, listing all the dastardly things they've done, in order to to warn future victims. The current affairs shows are up in arms over it, wheeling out psychologists who condemn the posters as vengeful saddos needing to get on with their lives (you'd think ACA, Today Tonight et al would love the site - it "names and shames", after all!). Anyway, with the usual rigorous quality control standards which we all have come to expect from the internet, it's a morass of slander, innuendo and (this is what really gets me) lousy spelling. Of course, there are utter bastards out there, but there are also vindictive people putting unwarranted profiles up with nothing to stop them. Okay, sometimes revenge really is needed, but using the internet seems pretty tacky. If one needs to get one's own back on an…

Friday Follies - Special Edition

America decides...what Australia will be doing in a year's time

Us whining, cowardly, pinko liberals the world over are celebrating this week. Thanks to the votes of some Americans, the Democrats have swept to power in the U.S. I'll leave the analysis to those who care about that kind of thing, and get on with some election humour.

Enjoy some of the most "memorable" quotes of the election.

Of course, the best stuff comes from the Onion. So, as politicians sweep the elections, the Republicans are of course blaming their losses on Democrats (have a look through all the news briefs while you're there).

What better way to celebrate the resignation of Chicken Little Donald Rumsfeld, than with a great collection of Rumsfeld jokes, and the Time cover we've been waiting to see. Don't feel too sorry for the man though - I'm sure he can find a shoulder to cry on.

Then we move on to the unintentionally hilarious. Piers Akerman tries to convince himself that the elect…

Consolation

Okay, I'm feeling better now. I realise it's better for us all that they be happily divorced than happily married. Moving on...

We're approaching the end of yet another year of Australian Idol. I'm so excited that...q 5e-y834]-6u8 bk;6j4b80 98hi4i074b09
(Sorry, I fell asleep and went face down on the keyboard). This is the fourth year of Idol in Australia though, and they seem to be running out of ideas. Take the theme nights - what with viewers choice, Idol's choice, and whatever else they've come up with this year, there's been hardly any genre based theme nights at all. Allow me to make the following suggestions:

Australian Idol Theme Nights I'd Like To See:

Boney M night
Songs from The Simpsons (I bet Bobby Flynn would've done something
interesting with "We Put The Spring In Springfield")
Number Ones from the day the contestant was conceived
German Beer Hall Songs Night (With thigh slapping)
Idol...the failures (songs from former contestants wh…

Oh Gnoes!

Britney Spears has filed for divorce from Kevin Federline. I'm in complete shock. They seemed like such a perfect couple. I thought they'd be together forever, but if they can't make it, what chance do the rest of us have? No wonder my generation is so terrified of marriage. You think the world is a wonderful place, then this happens. I don't know what to believe anymore.

What Does A Leftie Do?

We've all seen the jokes...

Teachers do it nine months a year

Painters do it on plastic sheets

Photographers do it in dark rooms

...and so on. But are there any good lefty/liberal "do it" jokes? What do we do? The best I've come up with is "Lefties do it with indignation." Yawn. Or - "Lefties do it with everyone." Better, but not great. Anyone got any others? Please submit your suggestions in the comments - I'll put the best ones in a later post.

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Obviously today I was going to write a high-minded post about Saddam Hussein and the death sentence. But everyone else got there before me. It's hell being a lazy blogger. Interesting, though, that the verdict was announced in time for the last full news day before the U.S. midterm elections (oh, I'm sure it was just a coincidence).

All Those Who Believe In Psychokinesis, Raise My Hand

Well, it was Halloween yesterday, and I've noticed a new phenomenon: people in Australia now celebrating Halloween as a holiday. Far from bemoaning this example of the incresing encroachement of American culture, I really don't mind; anything which manages to hold off Christmas for a while longer has to be a good thing.

For most people it's just an excuse to celebrate a holiday, and why not. But I was amused yesterday when a couple of people told me that they were going to visit psychics or attempting to contact dead relatives, since on Halloween, the boundaries between "us" and the spirit world are thinner than at any other time.

Then I realised that they were serious.

I don't really understand all that stuff. Tarot cards, horoscopes, palm reading - as a Cancer, I don't believe in it. But it's harmless enough. What does irritate me though are psychics.

Often I listen to the radio before going to sleep at night, and once a week my local station has a phon…