Now The Drugs Do Work


A recent study has found that 17% of Australians admit having taken drugs at work. I have to admit I'm a bit sceptical about this. Ever since, I'm looking around the office wondering exactly who are the one fifth of my colleagues who are "flying on instruments." But unless someone has nine Mars bars for morning tea or proclaims "I am the owl!" whilst on the phone to IT, I don't think I'd be able to tell. Who are these people anyway? I've done some pretty crazy things in my time, but I've never taken drugs at work. It's wrong...to waste good drugs when you've got to work. (I don't doubt lots of people use drugs...after all, someone's watching The Uplate Gameshow With Hotdogs. But at work?)

Anyway, we like the good stuff on the weekends too. Apparently Australia has the world's
highest rate of ecstasy use per capita. If you're looking to invest in the stockmarket, the Chupa Chup company is my tip for the week. And Channel Ten has just cancelled Yasmin's Getting Married. If I was the network's head of programming, I'd replace it with The Swirly, Shiny Object Show.

I hasten to add that it isn't me who is contributing to these statistics. When I swallow something to get high these days, it's usually a carefully selected fine wine. But I can understand. Australia has suffered through ten years of the Howard government. That's enough to make anyone turn to drugs.

Comments

  1. Well you know, caffiene is a drug. So are nicotine and alcohol. Then we have headache tablets, pain killers, treatment for psychological conditions... I'm surprised the figure isnt more like 1 in 1.

    Ten years under Howard tyranny is indeed enough to drive one to drugs and depression. Why doesn't it drive one to revolt?

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  2. Because it's hard to have a revolution when you're stoned :)

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  3. "nowadays everyone takes drugs except when they need them" - Rita Rudner

    I'm with asthixias on this one. I notice how much caffeine (good morning), nicotine (break time), paracetamol (afternoon tea!) and alcohol (work party) are a part of my work culture. I can imagine getting high on stims might help a lot with physical jobs, and marijuana would've done the world of good to my high school teachers. (Heck why not - half the students were blasted anyway!)

    You have to wonder if 17% of our politicians are high at question time really, too, don't you.

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  4. Martin, if 17% of the politicians were, who would notice?

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  5. I think the art teachers at least were well into the spirit of things. (Well, when I was at high school in the early to mid Nineties, most of the art teachers were ageing hippies).

    As for politicians...I'm not going to track this down, but I do remember hearing that tests on the parliamentary bathrooms (can't remember if it was NSW or federal) showed they all had traces of cocaine.

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  6. Sounds about right. We can add possession to their very long list of crimes.

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