Now The Drugs Do Work
A recent study has found that 17% of Australians admit having taken drugs at work. I have to admit I'm a bit sceptical about this. Ever since, I'm looking around the office wondering exactly who are the one fifth of my colleagues who are "flying on instruments." But unless someone has nine Mars bars for morning tea or proclaims "I am the owl!" whilst on the phone to IT, I don't think I'd be able to tell. Who are these people anyway? I've done some pretty crazy things in my time, but I've never taken drugs at work. It's wrong...to waste good drugs when you've got to work. (I don't doubt lots of people use drugs...after all, someone's watching The Uplate Gameshow With Hotdogs. But at work?)
Anyway, we like the good stuff on the weekends too. Apparently Australia has the world's highest rate of ecstasy use per capita. If you're looking to invest in the stockmarket, the Chupa Chup company is my tip for the week. And Channel Ten has just cancelled Yasmin's Getting Married. If I was the network's head of programming, I'd replace it with The Swirly, Shiny Object Show.
I hasten to add that it isn't me who is contributing to these statistics. When I swallow something to get high these days, it's usually a carefully selected fine wine. But I can understand. Australia has suffered through ten years of the Howard government. That's enough to make anyone turn to drugs.