The Office Top Five

The Complete Three Years at the Office Top Five:


Dumbest Customer Ever:
For a few weeks, I was assigned to call customers who have a free, name and address only listing in the directory, and try to convince them to take out paid advertising. This had its ups and downs, and also produced the dumbest enquiry I ever had...
Me:"So, can I check your lisitng in the directory (I read out the details)..."
Customer:"Yes that's correct. So you say this listing I have is free?"
Me:"That's right."
Customer:"So, does it cost any money to put a larger ad in the directory?"
NO YOU IDIOT! We do it out of the goodness of our hearts! We're running a community service! The other people with free listings just don't want to create more work for us, and the reason some ads are larger than others is because the people who put in the smaller ads don't feel that they are very important.


Most Obnoxious Customer Ever:
How could I pick just one?
Here's a standout. This happened a couple of years ago. I was sitting at reception when a guy came in with changes to his ads, demanding to see his sales consultant. The consultant wasn't in, so I explained that I'd be happy to note the changes and pass them on.
He said, "What would the secretary know? I want to see my consultant."
I expalined again that the consultant wasn't in and that I usually worked on ad changes.
He looked me up and down, then walked around the desk to where I sat and said, "You're just a dumb girl who answers the phone, what would you know? Get the manager."
I explained (politely, through clenched teeth) that the manager wasn't in either, and if he'd wait on THE OTHER side of the desk, I'd do his changes right then.
"I'm sick of this company! All I get to help me is a stuck-up kid?!? F%*K YOU!!!"
He knocked the pile of papers on the recption desk to the floor and stormed out. (Kid? Well, 24). He cancelled his advertising completely shortly after. He was missed.

Most Irritating Encounter With a Cow-Orker
This one's a tie.
=The guy in the office who thinks he's the manager, when he's not...for instance, lecturing employees for not being "professionally dressed", telling us off for chatting too loudly etc, and the usual...
Me:"Can you turn off your radio? I can't concentrate."
Him:"How about I turn it down to a level where it still drives you nuts, but you're too shy to complain a second time?"
Me:"Thank you."
Him:"It will creep back up over time."
=Ms. "I can't handle anything on my own, Nico can do it all."
I've written about her previously...I've been doing her job at 1/3 of her pay. That all ends today!


Most Incomprehensible Jargon From Head Office:
In the #AllEmployees email sent out to launch a new sales initiative:
"We will derive utility driven solutions from holistic requirements to improve customer executions."
I LIKE IT!
For more, see The Dilbert Random Mission Statement Generator


What I'll Miss Most About This Place:
Being acknowledged for being very good at what I do.
(And the flipside...not being paid accordingly)

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