What It Means To Be Australian




  • The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm;



  • The shorter the nickname, the more they like you;



  • Whether it's the opening of parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by the addition of a sausage sizzle;



  • There is no food that cannot be improved by the addition of tomato sauce;



  • On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out;



  • Industrial design knows of no item more useful than the plastic milk crate;



  • The alpha male in any group is he who takes the tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags;



  • It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold;



  • It is correct to refer to your best friend as "a total bastard". By contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard";



  • The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one with the swimming pool;



  • The phrase "We've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much;



  • If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine then spend all night drinking the host's beer (don't worry, he'll have catered for it);



  • The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you're not trying;



  • Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit in your front yard. Gardening, pottering about and leaning on the fence are all allowed. Just don't sit; that's what the back yard is for;



  • At picnics, the esky is always too small, resulting in a food versus grog battle that can only be resolved by leaving the salad at home;



  • When on holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel pool will always be larger than the pool itself;



  • And finally...there comes a time in every Australian's life when he or she realises that the Aerogard is worse than the mozzies.
  • Comments

    Popular posts from this blog

    Is there anything the Coalition for Marriage aren't wrong about?

    Is public transport pushing up the road toll?

    New Year, New Republic? Maybe it's time for a new idea